guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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