If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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