"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
