did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had sex on a roof
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
