I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
