I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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