but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
