Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
