That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
