final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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