look no pants
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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