3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We were destined to go to rehab together
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
