he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He shit in the fireplace
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
