I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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