I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
