I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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