just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
