i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize