i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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