just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
