If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
