I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
