I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize