Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
