Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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