Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
