the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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