in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
