I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
