Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
