You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize