worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My penis needs a shock collar
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
