My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
