i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
