I didn't shave. On purpose
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
