K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
