He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize