I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
