im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
