I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize