Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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