Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
