mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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