that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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