Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
