You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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