I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
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