There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
