I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
