roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
