She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
