Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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