we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
