Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
