if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
