i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
