i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
