I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
