So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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