I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
