you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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