Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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