Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
