Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
