why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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