WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
