Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
