It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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