You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
