4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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