is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
