I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
