You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
