I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize