i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
