My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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