theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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