so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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