Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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