Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
