Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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