ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
