Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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