It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize