I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
