I wish you could order shots online.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize