I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
