Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
