you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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